


I N E B G

by BandraK



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon), Marvel, Monsters Inc (2001), Shrek Series, Star Wars - All Media Types, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, The Muppets - All Media Types, Wicked - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Gen, Other, crack!fic, random wacky, seriously - what was I thinking, wtf was I thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 06:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4168662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BandraK/pseuds/BandraK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A completely insane idea that's been bouncing around in my head for a few months and I finally put it into writing. If the tags aren't enough to pique your interest, nothing I put here will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I N E B G

“And what are you not going to do?”

The tall, thin woman dressed in wear dulled black smiled to herself as she heard the conversation behind. Having just gone through a similar discussion with her better half not ten minutes earlier it was both a comfort and a source of ill gotten amusement to know she wasn't the only one to have to suffer through a well intentioned, if somewhat denigrating, talking too.

“Seriously, Princess?”

Although her counterpart appeared to be less capable of hiding her exasperation with the process. But then, she'd had years to realize just how much her sweet meant to her so that may have made it a little easier for Elphaba to temper her ire with Galinda's mostly gentle cajoling to control her temper. An experience the witch hoped the woman behind her never had to go through for all the benefit it might provide in future conversations like this. 

“Yes, Shego. Now stop stalling and answer the question.”

A heavy sigh filled the air as Elphaba continued to browse the contents of the snack table – Galinda had insisted she eat something under penalty of another makeover if she didn't – while never straying too far from the other couple. It may not have been the socially appropriate thing to eavesdrop but she was the wicked witch, after all. A certain amount of anti-social behaviour could be excused.

… So long as Galinda never found out about it. 

“I'm not going to fry anyone into a crispy cinder with my plasma.”

Elphaba's eyebrow arched and she only just managed to keep herself from turning around to get a look at this other woman. 

The sound of a hand clap – a twin for Galinda's whenever she agreed to one of the blonde's ridiculous requests which was far too often for either of their own good – preceded the sound of a quick kiss which, itself, was followed by a grumbled “Kimmie.”

“Oh, is the big, tough, ex villain embarrassed by a little P D A?”

“You know I never agreed not to plasma your butt into burnt toast.”

“Please, you love my butt too much to ever hurt it.”

“Except when we-”

“SHEGO!”

Elphaba kept her eyes firmly fixed on the plate of goodies she'd been inspecting.

“Now who's embarrassed.”

“You are so sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Whatever, Pumpkin. We both know you'll be begging me to keep you warm within five minutes of your head hitting the pillow.”

“Is that so?”

“I guarantee it.”

“Oh, it's so on.”

“Like Donkey Kong.”

“Okay, you and Ron are spending way to much time together.”

“I was thinking the same thing.”

“No big, we'll take the weekend off, just the two of us and some good old fashioned world saving.”

“Or we could spend it doing something less heroic and a whole lot more enjoyable.”

“Shego!” Despite the appearance of protest, Elphaba found herself doubting that this Kimmie was truly objecting to the other woman's offer. The sound of another kiss a moment later confirmed her suspicion.

“Just behave yourself and we can talk about it tonight over dinner.”

A “Mmhmm” was Shego's response. The clap – this one of a decidedly different tone --that followed apparently her good-bye if Kimmie's shocked stage whisper of “Shego!” was anything to go by.

She was definitely going to edit this bit out of her tale when she told Galinda how today went. The other woman would only get ideas and she was more than enough of a handful already without... that being added to her repertoire. 

“Hey.”

Elphaba turned her head towards the speaker, a woman with pale green skin – what her younger self would have given for her own verdant condition to be so mild – in a pair of dark black slacks and a blouse every bit as expensive as its emerald hue indicated.

“Hello.”

“So, you always listen in on other people or were you just bored.”

Denying the truth never crossed Elphaba's mind. “How did you know?”

“When she, Kim, my girlfriend, shouted my name you were the only one in the room that didn't look.”

Ahh. “Would you like an apology?”

“Nah.” Shego grabbed an empty plate and started piling snacks at random – or so it seemed to Elphaba until she noticed the preponderance of chocolate themed items – onto it. “Kinda why we're here, right? To 'share' all our 'issues'.” Shego paused in filling her plate to frame air quotes around her words. 

“You don't sound like you want to be here.” Elphaba placed one small brownie on her plate. “Are you just here because of your girlfriend?”

“Let me make one thing absolutely clear, I don't do anything I don't want to.” Shego hissed. Then sucked in a deep breath through her nose. “Kimmie saw the ad on one of her missions and thought it might help me 'decompress' to have a peer group all my own. I figured if I gave it a shot that would be enough to get it out of her system.”

“I see.” Elphaba places a small bunch of grapes next to her brownie. “My Galinda was the one to find out about this group as well. She had a similar line of reasoning but it went more like 'but Elphie, it's so you you just absotively need to go' .”

“Absotively?” 

Elphaba's face hardened. “She likes to make up words. Do you have a problem with that.”

“Nope. Shego shook her head. “Sometimes I swear Kimmie is speaking a language all her own. And don't even get me started on her brothers.”

The Wicked Witch relaxed slightly as she moved down the table, quickly passing over the pitcher of water and florescent orange 'juice' – who were they trying to fool – to fill a paper cup near to the brim with coffee.

“So... You're into girls too?” Shego asked as she reached for the coffee pot herself.

“I... yes.”

“Cool.”

The pair turned their backs to the table. Elphaba took a sip from her cup and let out a contented sigh. Shego pulled a face. “Gah! This is supposed to be coffee? I know what's first on my list of things to talk about.”

Elphaba looked down at her cup, then over at Shego, then back. With a shrug, she took another sip. Years on the run from the Wizard had done more than just improve her appreciation for Galinda, apparently.

“Everyone, everyone, if I could have you attention please.”

Both women, along with everyone else in the room, turned towards the speaker.

The felt frog swallowed, not as comfortable being the centre of attention as his request had made it seem. “Erm, uh, yes... Thank you. I am Kermit, and I want to thank you all for attending this, the first meeting of I N E B G, or It's Not Easy Being Green, a collaborative support group for those dealing with-”

“Excuse me, but is this the 'Blue Is The Loneliest Colour' Meeting?”

Beside her, Shego's head dropped forward. Elphaba could hear her mutter “Big blue idiot.”

“You know him?”

Shego looked up, then sighed. “He used to be my boss.”

“Ahh.” Elphaba watched the man in question argue with the Frog over why this wasn't the support group he was looking for until a large creature half way between her own shade and Shegos with two tube like ears grabbed the blue man by the thick black belt around his waist and tossed him out the door. 

Much to Kermit's dismay.

“Aie d'nit come here to watch you bandy a'bout with some one even stupider than Donkey, y'ken?”

“My sympathies.”

A bark of laughter burst from Shego, and she nearly spilled her coffee over her top.

Both women turned an imperious gaze on the rest of the group as they turned towards the sound as one. After a few seconds under the glare, the rest of the group turned away. 

“Thanks. I needed that.”

“Anytime.”

“Question.” Another creature, this one barely taller than Kermit and comprised mostly of a teardrop shaped body equally divided between his mouth and his single, large eye waved his hand in the air as he -- Elphaba assumed it was a he from the tenor of his voice but it was hard to tell. “Why is he not getting thrown out.

His waving hand pointed towards a figure that had been hiding in the background. One that would look perfectly normal in any room other than this one where his very average human appearance had him stand out like, well, like a pink flower in a field of green.

The first, larger, creature -- dressed like some robin hood in the park reject -- took a step towards the man who took a step back.

Elphaba and Shego exchanged a glance. “Should we?”

Before Elphaba could reply, the man waved a finger at the Troll... or possibly Ogre, who stopped in a mix of amusement and confusion. “I wouldn't do that. It'll make me angry and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.”

The Ogre, or possibly troll, grinned. “There we ha'something in common.”

“You really shouldn't.” The man said, taking a step another step back. “Don't say I didn't warn you.”

“This, not you do.” another creature stepped between the man and his would be bouncer, a small silver and black rod held in one hand. “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

“I find the anger part usually works on it's own.” The man quipped, one hand flexing and unflexing by his side with growing speed.

“GAHAHAHAHAHA!” Kermit, hands waving over his head like one of those inflatable tube men Galinda though were so cute, pulled everyone's focus from the potential conflict. His thin, almost non existent shoulders heaved with deep breaths. “If I have everyone's attention, can we please get back to the meeting. Mr... Bruce has already explained his condition to me and I can assure you all that he has as much right to be here as the rest of us. Now, please, take your seats.”

Not without a few grumbles, the other participants moved to the ring of chairs arranged off to one side of the room. After exchanging another glance, Elphaba and Shego made their way over as well, taking seats next to each other.

“Good.” Kermit looked around the circle and gave a quick nod before reaching under his seat with his abnormally long arms to retrieve a clipboard that he then placed on his exceptionally small lap. “Now, as I was saying, this group is for those of us of, either temporarily or full time,” he turned a stern look towards both the eyedrop shaped monster and the Ogre, “are some shade of green. Here we can talk freely and openly about any problems or concerns or issues we, as people... and creatures living outside the traditional spectrum of skin tones, are facing or just to share some time with people who know what it's like to be in our situation.”

He paused to take a breath and gave another look around the group.

“So, who would like to start.

To Elphaba's surprise, Shego stood up.

“Yeah I got an issue-”

“Could you start off by saying your name?” Kermit asked, adding a quick “Please.” when Shego narrowed her eyes at him.

“I'm Shego an-”

“Hi Shego.”

Beside Shego, Elphaba was trying very hard not to laugh.

“As I was saying.” Shego continued, the hint of exasperation already creeping into her voice making it even harder for Elphba to keep the mirth from her own. “I have an issue that I'd like to talk about.”

“And what is it?” Kermit prompted when Shego paused to make sure she wasn't going to get interrupted again. 

If she did, she wasn't sure she wouldn't break her promise to Kim and plasma someone.

“Yeah, I want to talk about this slop you call coffee.”

Shego, along with everyone else, turned towards a now cackling Elphaba.

On the other side of the circle, a turtle with a blue mask tied around its head, leaned over to whisper to the turtle sitting next to him, this one with a yellow band of fabric tied around his head. 

“Dude, what did you put in those brownies?”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so... if you've read this far I want to know who you are, even if you hated it, because I probably owe you a personal apology for destroying your childhood, fandom, both, etc. Either way, thank you for reading this... complete insanity.
> 
> Oh, and if anyone here might be interested in reading more of my work (this time with an actual plot that makes sense... mostly), I'm looking for someone to beta a chapter update for _A Little Noise Never Hurt Anyone... Yet_ (ouat) so, again, let me know if you're interested.


End file.
